Why have you been the victim of narcissistic abuse?

The question of questions… even the attempt to put the answer in this Quora box here seems to me … Bold.And probably I haven’t found the right answer yet, because although I’ve been working on it so much and worked on it, I thought I was a bit safer, but only recently I’m really narcissistic again. which again shoots me through the wide spectrum of post-traumatic stress disorder. But I struggle with the notion of victim… but that is another question.

I think I’ve earned the basic qualifications for a long,day, highly dramatic relationship with a person with a narcissistic personality disorder (which was later diagnosed, but he never accepted) since I was born.Starting with the extremely difficult relationship with my mother, the disposition of the parents, the family… in short: Childhood traumas and the completely sick handling of it have made me quite … fault-prone. The suicide of a sister, family secrets, illness and death of the father, a very difficult relationship with the mother… And then I’ve always been such a … other child , straggler, highly gifted (but psst! This is not to be told to her, otherwise she will still be trained to do something about it), completely lost among her peers and, for adults, the largest nerve saw in the world.

Even in my family I had to learn from a young age to play along, to wear masks.And I’ve always hated it, it’s always been hard for me, I’ve suffered under the pressure to do it as well as to see how the other family members acted with their masks. It was incredibly important to keep the appearance, not to carry anything outward, to make everything look good, to keep working nicely. That’s why I’ve got n knacks away on the narcissistic side. I met depression very early on, first as a spectator, but soon also myself. After grief, exclusion, bullying, it was almost inevitable, but how my family dealt with it was unspeakable. For us it was with “depression” as with Voldemort in Harry Potter: “The one whose name may not be mentioned”. Inseparably linked to the name of the sister who killed herself. And I was always the one who couldn’t hold the flap, couldn’t pull herself together, couldn’t be nice and quiet…

So when I met my narcissist, I was already fully involved in the topic.For me, people who wear masks are perfectly normal. I was born into such a world. But I’ve always longed to be among people I don’t have to wear a mask, who I’m accepted as I am – not the way they want me to be. And he was the first in a long time to give me this feeling, who understood me and accepted my pain. Classics probably. I was optimally suited, because I had long since come to the conviction that I was such a broken being that I could be glad if anyone cared about me at all and actually his manipulations as his attempts to help me and prove his love. i.m.

But somehow I’m just having a fight with the initial question and the term “victim”.I am very reluctant to accept this perpetrator-victim view. Are you still a victim even when you knowingly play a game? No matter whether you chose this (relationship) or not (family), whether you have joyfully jumped on the playing field or been unloaded there…

“Victim” is a pretty strong stamp, as is “perpetrator.”And even though I may have become the victim of perfidious behavior, I find it just as difficult to see the people who have done this to me as “perpetrators” as I do as a “victim”. There is certainly also my Catholic knack that also plays a role in the fact that I have this term over aversions or the fact that it is now also often used as a swear word.

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