Why do we often expect a partner to possess similar characteristics? The reason I ask this is because I often know in my area that in relational matters the desire is often in adaptation.


Experiencing connectedness is easier when you share a number of core features and core values.You have to be a bit on the same wavelength by nature. You see this in your way of thinking, your humour and spiritual values. As someone said: you easily add in in each other’s life.

Infatuation you place on a cloud of positive energy.That’s nice and sometimes functional. You see the other as special and are willing to invest in the relationship. They are the starter missiles in love, bringing motivation and goodwill. You have to use this time to weigh the durability.

Contra or complementary

Opposites can attract one another.Sometimes that can be practical, if the other has what to do with bookkeeping and not you, it fills up well. It’s fun when the other one takes you in adventures that you wouldn’t undertake quickly. Complementary, you can stimulate each other to get the best out of yourself.

This will be different if you have other values in essential points and experience freedom.If the one is a house sparrow and likes to Klit, while the other is more a latter and wants a lot of personal freedom. Finances are often a point, as well as educating children and faith values.


Of course you keep in mind each other, you choose the other.You are willing to make sacrifices in time, love and energy. But this should not transcend your personal capacity for adaptation. The best thing you can give each other is the real you, with its own uniqueness.

A good starting point for a starting relationship is the premise that the other will not change substantially anymore.In doing so, you give the other space to be themselves and remain, and you are also honest with yourself, whether this person is the one for whom you really want to choose, with pluses and minuses.

Essence relevant answers (whole laundry list but recommended)

Answer from Cornelis Zandbergen on why are relationships driven by ego and control?

Answer from Cornelis Zandbergen on how do I know if I’m really in love with my best friend or that I’ve created an ideal in my head?

Answer from Cornelis Zandbergen on what to do if you have a relationship, but you like someone else?

Answer from Cornelis Zandbergen on what are signs that you are becoming a better person than you were before?

Is it normal for me to expect my spouse to be the most important person in his life?So also above his parents etc.

Answer from Cornelis Zandbergen on what have you learned from your previous relationships?

Answer from Cornelis Zandbergen op can people change their personality or do you stay who you’ve always been?

Answer from Cornelis Zandbergen on my girlfriend makes no sense to cuddle with me but she does look at naked men in ‘ Temptation Island ‘.Why are they deliberately putting sexy men in that kind of TV programs that I can’t compete with?

Answer from Cornelis Zandbergen on how come many time and again choose the wrong partner?

Answer from Cornelis Zandbergen on I had sex with my boyfriend yesterday for the first time and after we were done, he said it was very different than he had imagined.It sounded a bit negative, but is that so too?

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