Why do I feel so insecure and afraid when I fall in love? What can I do to remain rational?

There is an uncomfortable twirl in your question: Falling in love is not a rational process right now.By staying rational, you are detracting from infatuation. It is actually the intention to enjoy being in love.

But if you want ratio:

  1. Freud called infatuation a kind of psychosis.

Your whole thinking, your whole doing, your whole emotional household is still only serving that one. Love makes blind, you know. The outside world threatens to lapse, you are obsessively engaged in that one…

  • The youngest view of scientists who have bent on this theme: Love = Lust.
  • Love ‘ does not exist ‘, your hormones are going on with you. A little romantic view although in many people love and lust can coexist perfectly. Even stronger: that is actually the intention. Lovers want to ‘ eat each other ‘, not literally but transferable-in, eh, physical sense. They creep against each other, picking together, licking each other-just call it a non-hormonal controlled mechanism.

    And as far as uncertainty is concerned: romantic love is turning everything upside down.And there is the risk of being rejected.

    This fear and uncertainty probably felt less strong in your first, fledgling infatuation.

    This is because conditionings of your historical experiences and thoughts warn you in the form of emotions.

    Sometimes these warnings are useful (beware, hot heater!), sometimes it is like a soldier who does not know that the war is over.

    Problem of rational approach, is that a fear of something often seeks confirmation.A so -called confirmation bias-Wikipedia.This rational disturbance is very difficult to see through. It is the “human state”. Our minds are not rational.

    We tend to think that experience only makes us stronger.But we often only get mental soldiers who recognize war everywhere. The ensuing actions from our own mental baggage in turn cause the recognition of a war among the mental soldiers of others. A “self-fulfulling prophecy” that spreads like an oil slick.

    It becomes the truth for the mind, once everyone confirms it.Incidentally, this is the way a culture arises.

    We are all keen on our experiences, which means that we have lost the innocent of a child.

    If you are more spiritually experienced, you realize at some point the infectious downward spiral of dodging your own problems.They only create problems and make them truth in our society.

    The way to counteract this feels like an ultimate vulnerability from the ego’s perspective.Enter into your fears and understand that you arenot your fully automated conditionings.

    As soon as a fear comes up, we get a bit more distrcharged.We no longer notice what is happening around us, how our body feels, etc. Our consciousness draws together, so that only the current expression of our stored conditionings seem to be resterize.

    Don’t believe you’re automatisms.Understand that it is the soldier who thinks war is to be recognized. Also ignore any thoughts to the soldier who may have the other in his head: this is nothing but your own soldier in disguise.

    In Reality, he or she might not look at you, but his own monstrous concoction of yours.This does not matter at all.

    Be open, even though your ego shouts that it is right.Observe this sense of faith. Pause and feel your body and your breathing and approach the situation by knowing that the other, like you, also only wants love. And love is here and now, even though we might not give it any attention.

    Very vulnerable to the ego, but what you really are and the other is real is much bigger and nicer than that.

    It is completely insensitive:).

    I can’t know that, and I can’t even imagine it.That’s not to say I don’t believe it or take it seriously. Just that I am not a suitable someone to answer this question. However, C茅line has asked for that.

    The times I have fallen in love are counting on the fingers of a hand.It was every time a so dominating emotion, that it mastered my whole life: a mix of happiness and covetousness and especially the desire to be constantly in one’s proximity. And a total inability to recognise negative aspects to that person.

    It was certainly not rational, but that was not my wish at all.But the ratio, reason, can help nusure to learn to cope with uncertainty and anxiety. Face it, see where real risks and barriers lie, and investigate whether it is desirable and possible to work on it, with or with professional support.

    What I know well, is that if I want something very much like that, then the fear of failure can paralymend.And in infatuation, apart from yourself, you are also completely dependent on another who is in a different perspective.

    I believe that is true what is said: At the end of your life you will regret more of what you have not tried than of what has failed.I always love that it is better to try and fail, than to have it not dared.

    And in the things of the heart is that great nicely articulated by Alfred Lord Tennyson:

    His poem In Memoriam A.H.H.: Canto 27, 1850:

    I hold it true, whate’er befall;

    I feel it, when I sorrow most;

    ‘ Tis better to have loved and lost

    Than never to have loved at all.

    Now I know that this is about the death of his childhood friend and fellow poet Arthur Henry Hallam and not about a romantic love, let alone an infatuation, which has come to an end.But the last two sentences of this verse (Nr. 27 of 133) are, in my opinion, of universal value and possibly helping in the context of this question.

    Infatuation is like an addiction to drugs.

    Your brain, when you are in love, creates many substances that make your feelings confused.This makes you feel insecure and afraid. You feel vulnerable because this ‘ addiction ‘ has become dependent on a person who has been given power over you.

    Not being in love is actually the normal state of your body.Staying rational when you are in love is almost impossible for many people (especially for Fran莽aises…;-)

    You should, at times when you are strong in spirit and bright, ask yourself whether this new relationship will give you as a person happiness and benefit, or that it will destroy you.Does this person and his or her life fit in with your life and personality?

    At times when you are weak and in love, rationality makes no sense.So then you just have to enjoy the fact that you are in love. Will not make sense. Enjoying infatuation belongs to life and is delicious. And more delicate and healthier drug is not there.. 🙂

    A better advice I can’t give.I should know more about the situation before that.

    Leave a Reply