I did that all my life.
It has literally been forced upon me by my upbringing.
Erase myself and my needs to please others.
I did it for my whole family, a bit in the Cosette style.It’s ridiculous, but true, hahaha.
Later I did it in my marriage.To the point that I felt so transparent and invisible that I had the feeling that I no longer existed. What is really paradoxical, because I have a very strong personality and temperament of course.
I can do a lot and give a lot.In French we say “Soulever des Montagnes”: If I love someone, I give everything, without any restriction.
According to my ex, it is rather overwhelming and puts a lot of pressure on the “recipients” of this unconditional love: he felt that he could never match the intensity of everything I have to give.
Now, for three years, I’m working on it: Another thing I had to learn.I have left all my previous relations behind me and have started again. Since then I have been re-feeding myself: learning to say no, learning to hold myself, and especially to set an example for my daughters.
But I can’t do anything about it and I always go one step further for people to whom I give.Because I know it feels good to be on the receiving side, to see that someone cares for you.
Eventually I think I’ll give what I want.It’s that simple.
I stick to the airplane theory.As a child I thought about it often, as an adult I could only put it into practice.
When there is oxygen shortage in an airplane, the yellow masks come down.Parents are urged to first set up a mask and then only with your children. Logically I always found. But then I was a child.
Now as a parent, I understand that this is strongly requested, because as a parent you want to secure your child.But you can not help your child if you lose consciousness yourself. Also logical. Do it against your feelings.
Back to others before drafting.That you must be nice to everyone and everyone needs to help that is poured into the spoon (now in most cases). If everyone was here too, there was nothing to worry about, because where I would help someone, the other would help me too.
But this is not the case.So you have people who are always going to help, at the expense of themselves, because as much as they give it really does not come back, but they just go through because yes, if you do not help 鈧?虄you are no good mens .
If we stick the plane theory over there, it quickly becomes clear what happened to these lovely people.They are dying. Not literally, but this leads to the fact that they are ultimately completely ignored and no longer exist. I think that’s worse than being dead (I’ve ever decided so when I found out to myself) because you’re literally alive, but you don’t exist. There is nothing more painful than that and it leads nowhere. The longer you stay in that hell the smaller the world becomes and the worse you feel, after all, you can’t help anyone if you feel so. Nice circle.
Luckily for me, an oxygen bag came down at some point.Then I really thought DUH!!! With that information walked around for so long and only now I realized it: I have to take care of myself first and only then can I take care of others. It was as if I woke up from a kind of slumber. Years without actively participating. That slumber was really terrible. As if you were a co-driver and constantly popped on obstacles but couldn’t do anything. After that slumber I myself was crept behind the wheel and I decided that under no circumstance I will ever sit in my own car (in my own life) on the passenger seat.
No Way, it’s my life way and I ride on it.
After that moment everything in my life has changed.The hardest? People who want to continually remind you of how you were and want to keep you in your old place because they are also trapped there. I laughed at them and waved while I was pulling hard. Let me be the example. Some followed inspired, others remained. I used to go back to pull them out of the mud, today I know that people who want to be helped look very different from people who want to stay where they are. I will always make a chat, that is in me. But I stay there, good example does follow well.
All the time.
Every day.For these two
Here they were just a few weeks.
Now they are 12
For those 2 I sacrifice every day my rest, my happiness, because I get so incredibly much back
Sometimes, and sometimes not. This depends how you describe happiness. Giving and taking is vital to get a balanced life. One plus one shouldn’t necessarily be two. They can also coexist.
We all do things that we don’t always want for others.I cannot put a number on that.
I think the greatest sacrifice is to stay with my daughter, in a country or environment where I wouldn’t stay if I hadn’t.
If I hadn’t her I would pick up MN suitcases and travel again.In any case for a long time.
And more often in NL, or longer.
How many times?I wouldn’t know… what means “your own happiness” the more you can develop the value that the happiness of others makes you happy, the happier you are yourself. The less you need to be happy, the happier you are.
Not too often…