How do you talk to a teenager about sex education?

Lets Talk about XXX

I limit myself in my response to a fairly recent issue: the available access of eroticism from the internet everywhere, so that young people are confronted with explicit sex and pornography early on.

The equation

It is difficult to talk about it in a relaxed way and the opinions of parents also differ enormously.Therefore an analogy to join the perception world of children.


Just take Donald Duck.

He lives in a fantasy world full of special people. Weird crooks, inventors, alien creatures, crazy neighbors, an uncle swims in money and witches on broom stealing.

Inspiring and imaginative

You can ask a child if he would like to live in such a world.There are a lot of funny and exciting things you can laugh about. Experience Adventures, find treasures and rockets.

Strange and scary

Less fun are monsters, big dangers and strange quarrels with neighbors.The rules in Donald Duck sometimes change very much and you don’t know where you are. It is not a realistic place and rarely long quiet.

The real World

Donald Duck is fantasy and in real terms there are other rules, also in contacts at school, with a girlfriend, separate people, your parents and friends.Life according to a comic strip is not possible.

Hobby and Collectors

Some children have a lot of comic books.That is not bad, as long as they do their homework, go to school, have friends and behave neatly towards people, with decency and respect.

Pornography: Fantasy, no more or less

Like Donald Duck, pornography is sometimes funny and exciting, sometimes scary.And some things really cannot. And if you’re sitting with something you see, it’s good to share it with someone you trust. And no one is allowed to force you to see or do anything you do not.

Mainstream pornography or Extreme

Of course, pornography is a broad concept that you hope will not be confronted with a lot, if they are going to look if necessary just home-garden-kitchen pornography or light erotic.It is usually better to talk first about soft-erotic and medium-sex, for your extreme things discusses. Sometimes that’s better for a follow-up conversation and too much in one go.


You can develop the equation yourself or make it even simpler, depending on the age of the children.This certainly offers connecting points to engage with children in a relaxed way. Remember that your attitude and appearance sometimes more says your words!

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As a 33-year-old single mother with a son of 17 years I have experience with it.If I do the right approach, I do not know, but I certainly hold on to the following issues during a conversation, as a position from mama to son, but also advice that I learned during my study for social work, (so not all of them personally Applied):

  • Do not fall into reason, let the teenager talk out before giving your answer & do not even make any sentences, even if his question may not always come out smoothly
  • If a question is unclear to you (teenager does not always dare to ask the question well, so it is not always very clear what he want to know exactly), ask for clarification so that you can certainly not give a wrong answer.

Or eg say something in the nature of: “Do I get it right that you want to know…… or do you mean something else?”

  • To make it clear that he/she does not have to be ashamed to ask questions, depending on the age indicate that it is normal that one is curious about the age of the year and can always contact you with any questions
  • If I notice that he is with a question that he does not dare to ask well, I always say that we put a notebook somewhere, and he can write it when he would like to then put this scripture back before he goes to bed and I only here at least an hour late R in view and the answer will write down (afterwards he can still indicate of course to talk about it anyway)
  • Do not laugh with a question, even if a question for you still sounds so normal, never laugh anyone who poses a question (on any subject)!
  • Had the teenager come up with a rather extreme question you didn’t expect, don’t try to make it notice, but be honest that you also have no or little experience with it e.g. but you will look it up and come back later!
  • Please report extra that it is normal for people to have different preferences or something that makes it clear that the teenager does not have to feel bad about this

  • Also i had searched websites for his age and wrote them down in the scripture so that he could also amone himself on the internet, on a custom website for his age, info (e.g.: Awel, WatWat,…)
  • My son currently has a relationship of more than a year, for this relationship he also had a long relationship with another girl.
  • When I asked if he needed contraceptives he said no, but I got there anyway and just let them know where they lay in his room. When I cleaned up his room I could check if I had to buy one without asking him a question for him. He would have “clogged” them, but of course as a mother and poetsend you can find out where it is

    I hope you have something to do with it!Good luck

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