The perfect way to ensure that you will never be happy or satisfied with your life is to put your expectations unrealistically high, so that they are never met.
That is exactly what perfectionism is.
It is nowhere to be satisfied with it, before it is completely perfect and flawless, as we dreamed it.The problem with this institution is of course that perfectionism is often an illusion .
Life rarely runs completely as we want it to be, whether it is about relationships, work, or personal goals.
To be happier with your life, it is often necessary to let go of these expectations, and to learn to be satisfied with how it is now, rather than how it should be in your ideal picture.
Meanwhile, there are countless studies demonstrating how perfectionism can destroy our feeling of happiness.
Perfectionism leads to regret and dissatisfaction
For instance, I found a study in the Journal of Consumer Research, which revealed that thoughts like 鈧?虄i have to have the best feelings of regret and dissatisfaction can enlarge.
Psychologists call this the 鈧?虄Maximizing Mindset , and it is a symptom of perfectionism.We always want to get the best option in every scenario, but that’s simply not always possible.
This is linked to another study, which discovered that perfectionism can lead to 鈧?虄post-Event rumination .This occurs when, after something has happened to us, we keep worrying about it, or the choices we made were the right ones.For example, we make it much harder for ourselves to let go of choices and mistakes from the past.
Perfectionism Harms our relationships
There are even more negative effects of perfectionism: It is also bad for our relationships evidenced by research.
Couples who see their relationship as a 鈧?虄perfect Unit鈩? and make statements like “we are soulmates 鈧?or”we are made for each other 鈧?are more likely to have relationship problems than those who see their relationship as a 鈧?虄reis , and it for example have about 鈧?艙We Grow together 鈧?or 鈧?艙We have already experienced a lot 鈧?
That makes sense.
Because in every relationship there are problems that need to be tackled. But if you think you are perfect for each other, then it becomes difficult to accept those problems and accept that they belong.
A more practical and realistic attitude helps you to cope with the inevitable scuffing and bumps in life.
Perfectionism has a bad influence on your work
Perfectionism also has a pernicious influence on our work and our personal goals.Research shows that people with a tendency to perfectionism are also more inclined to show procrastination .
With a perfectionist setting it is very difficult to swallow our pride and say that something is ready, 鈧?虄af , is. Instead , we continue to change things, adjust details and continue working until we are completely satisfied with it.And we’re never really.
Perfectionism can thus lead to work addiction, an unhealthy urge to never stop working, which then again leads to more stress, overfatigue, and burnout.
Perfectionism destroys our own value and our self-image
According to a study in the Journal of Eating disorders , perfectionism can also disrupt our body image and play a role in developing eating disorders.
We compare our bodies with the 鈧?虄ideale bodies we see in films, on TV and on social media.That can cause us to impose our standards unreasonably high, which will make our own body disappointed.
Perfectionism can therefore affect our happiness in many different ways.How can you now take care to start thinking less like a perfectionist?
How to Unleash perfectionism
Perfectionism is ultimately a mindset, a way of thinking.
The best way to unleash it is to teach yourself a different way of thinking.
Many really happy and successful people do not have a perfectionist mindset, but a growth mindset.They understand that life is a process with ups and downs, and that we are continually growing and learning from these experiences.
Unlike perfectionists, they do not see their luck or success as something 鈧?虄fixed .It is rather a lasting journey.
How do you start thinking this way too?
Start thinking in this new way:
鈧?艗it’s not going to be the best, but your best to do. 鈧?/i>
鈧?艗mistakes are a normal part of everyday life. 鈧?/i>
鈧?艗failure is often a necessary step toward success. 鈧?/i>
鈧?艗no event in the past defines me.I continue. 鈧?br> 鈧?艗i always grow as an individual. 鈧?/i>
鈧?艙Focus on the larger whole, more than on the details. 鈧?/i>
鈧?艗my flaws and imperfections are what makes me unique. 鈧?/i>
鈧?艗there are always new obstacles to overcome. 鈧?/i>
鈧?艗i accept the ups and downs in life with mildness. 鈧?/i>
Choose 3 of these affirmations that give you the best.
Now write them on an index card and hang/put them in your house where you often see them, for example on a mirror, the fridge or above your bed.
Try to repeat the next week, every time you see these affirmations, 3 times (in your head or out loud for yourself).
This is already a small step in changing your thinking towards a more 鈧?艙groeigerichte mindset.With a little conscious exercise, this way of thinking will be integrated into your daily life.
If you want to take another step to overcome your perfectionism, try one of the following exercises:
Make a target off today
Know yourself a small project, and give yourself until the end of the day to finish it.It can be anything, the simpler the better: Write a poem, make a song, finish a job. It’s about doing it, and not lingering in the final result. Give yourself permission to just say, so, ready! Without doubting any further.
2.Try intentionally to fail
Bring yourself into a situation that you know you will fail.You will discover that failure is not even so bad, and it often means that you are challenging yourself in a positive way. Often you feel better when you tried and failed, then when you never dared to try.
People with a growth mindset do things like this every day: they take small steps every day, and are willing to put themselves in situations where they are challenged and can fail.
Perfectionism is often the opposite of growth and happiness. It inhibits us, sets us down and keeps us dissatisfied.To be truly happy, we first need to learn to unleash our unrealistic high expect about life.
The most sustainable and in-depth way to free yourself from perfectionism is to coach you through THE OCP methodology. OCP stands for 鈧?虄Development-Oriented coaching of Perfectionisme and is a way of coaching developed by Marcel Hendrickx from his years of experience as an INTERNATIONALLY recognised NLP trainer and from his mission to help people of their To liberate perfectionism.
The KU Leuven (Prof.Luyten) investigated methodology assumes that we as humans consist of different 鈧?虄鈩?parts. These parts are at the basis of our desires, our competences and our behaviour. They send us thinking, doing and feeling. Each part has a positive purpose for the person in mind.
Within the OCP methodology, we let the internal parts that stand for perfectionism and for the free child in US work together.That leads to a state that we call thefree adult 鈧?虄.The free adult is able to let his energy flow and deploy his will in a successful way. Relationships improve, the past is processed, the person has a greater sense of happiness, the person dares to be himself, there arises focus, addictions are broken, patterns come under control,…
I don’t think you can learn that.At most, but even that takes a lot of effort.
Perfection is madness.Wanting to be better is not wrong with that. At least if it means you’re trying to be better than the previous version of yourself. Not be better than others, because that too, is madness.
The crazy thing is even, that when you release the idea of perfection and accept that not everything can be 100% to your liking or good, that you then get closer to the 100%, then when you have your blind tail at that 100% you have to get yourself.
Perfection is an image in your head.A fairly unilateral one too. This way you close other means and opportunities to get close to it and for that reason you never get there.
Understand that perfection is an unattainable ideal image for a living being.That is how I have done that too. You may have something to professional help from a P-therapist.
We don’t want to be what we are, but become what we are not.
Remember that but then you get it.