How do I learn to keep myself and be less dependent on the (potential) love that others give?

These are 3 of the most powerful tips and habits that will help you learn from yourself and be less dependent on the love/appreciation that others give:

1.Say ‘ stop ‘ to your inner critic

We all have a voice in us that whispers destructive thoughts like
You’re lazy.
You are not good at your job and someone will discover it and throw you outside.
You are worse/uglier than your colleague/partner/friend.

You don’t have to follow this inner voice.An easy way to change how you see yourself is simply to say ‘stop‘ (or any other word/phrase that helps you) when that inner critic comes up.

Then you focus your thoughts on something constructive, like planning what you’re going to do.

2.Go for healthy thinking habits

To make the voice of the inner critic weaker, it helps to have healthy thinking habits.Here are a few examples:

  • Keep a goal in mind. Write down your purpose and its advantage, as for example ‘ being in better condition so that I have more energy for my family ‘, or ‘ earning more so I can make distant journeys ‘.

Hang your list of goals somewhere where you can see it every day.

  • Focus on WHAT you really like to do. When you feel less motivated, ask yourself ‘ Do I do what I really want to do? ‘ If it doesn’t, focus again on what you really want to do, and if it’s possible, start working on it.
  • Take a 2-minute self-recognition break. Breathe deeply, slow down, and ask yourself the question ‘ What are 3 things about myself that I can appreciate? ‘
    That doesn’t have to be great things.
  • Maybe you are very caring about your dog or cat for example? Or have you listened to someone a few minutes very carefully today who really needed it? Or did you go hiking/cycling?

  • Write 3 things every night that you appreciate with yourself. After a few weeks you are guaranteed to feel better about yourself.
  • 3.Overcome your perfectionism

    Perfectionism is a thinking pattern that can be very destructive.It can paralyate you to take action because you are so afraid that you cannot meet a certain standard. And that’s why you set out and don’t get the results you desire. Whereby your self-esteem enters the black.

    Either you do take action but you are never or rarely satisfied with your performance.That makes your opinion about yourself more negative.

    What can help you overcome perfectionism?

    Go for ‘ good enough ‘. Perfectionism often leads to the fact that a project simply does not get finished.There is something like ‘ good enough ‘ where you can finish something without being lost in too much to Excel.
    Realize what it costs you if you believe in perfection myth. In real life, the perfection of the fairytale collide with the reality that causes you to suffer, get stress and cause stress to others.
    Be yourself. Do not try to change or censor yourself all the time.So you limit your happiness. Spend more time with people who support your dreams, values, and yourself. And less time with people who criticize you or just don’t fit you.


    In the end, there is only one that you can trust around the world; Yourself.

    And even that is extremely doubtful.

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