Can emotional intelligence be developed or should you be born with it?

Can emotional intelligence be developed or should you be born with it?

I believe that emotional intelligence can be learned just as well.Of course, it can be a genetic trait, some are socially smarter and easier by nature-it is after all a talent. But that does not exclude that it is possible to get socially better.

An anecdote for illustration.For a long time I have been friends with what was previously the weird boy of the class; The child who was alone to draw in a corner of the classroom. The child who had his lunch on the toilet, of which his mother was his best friend, the child who had to cry if he had to answer a question from the teacher. That boy-who added all the previous things-is now a social rock star. Over the years he has gathered more friends than all the children who used to launder him.

I remember that he first entered the classroom.He was waiting at the front door of the classroom, his hands fidget in his pockets, his eyes dry and red of a night crying. Before coming in, the teacher first prepared us: “Dirk has a hard time with social situations” she told me, “he’s a bit autistic so you have to be extra sweet for him”.

Now it is so different.Seemingly effortlessly, he is driving an infinite chain to friends, social contacts and partners. He explained to me that he had to learn how to be social. He had to try what worked and not. He does not have the social instinct that some lucky with. It was a matter of pure analysis for him.

So to answer the question:

Not everyone is a social Mozart.But socializing is just as much an exercise art as it is a talent. Almost everyone can learn to be social. Of course, not everyone will glide through looks and conversations like James Bond at a cocktail party, but you can practice it and develop it.

The good news is that you can develop your emotional INTELLIGENCE (EQ).With a direct positive effect on the level of success and happiness in your life.

What is emotional intelligence? It is the ability to recognize your emotions, understand what they tell you, and see how they affect the people around you.

People with high EQ can adapt their behaviours and are more effective at recognizing and coping with emotions, both those of themselves and those of others.

So EQ is going to be able to deal effectively with others. And the more effective you deal with others, the more successful you are.

Emotionally intelligent in 6 steps

If you want to increase your emotional intelligence, these are the 6 steps you have to take.


Become self-conscious

Knowing what you feel and who you arehelps you to make important life choices.A tip to boost your EQ in this area is to speak more in the present tense: that helps you to focus on the current moment. Put your thoughts, feelings and beliefs on paper: so you place them more in perspective. And that helps you to become more aware of who you are, what you want and why. Also increase your emotional vocabulary by finding the right words for your different feelings.

Knowing how to best express your emotions also helps to deal with it in a healthy way.Don’t be afraid to give yourself some silence or a meditative moment gift.

2.Develop empathy

By increasing your empathy, you come closer to others, you can get more support and solve conflicts much more easily. by showing that you understand someone, you can get the respect of that other person.Therefore, listen carefully to what another tells you.You know that you are increasing empathy when you are able to decipher and recognize the feelings of others .

3.Do emotional self-management

By masteringyour own emotions 鈧?”and above all your impulses 鈧? you increase your EQ even further.That is to say: Think before you act, be able to say no, and prevent your emotions from checking you.

Know your own strengths and weaknesses, and dare to look at it honestly.Strive to be assertive when the situation requires it: share your feelings and thoughts so that others know where they stand with you.

4.Be motivated for the long term

Emotionally intelligent people are focusing on long -termsuccess, at the expense of short -term rewards.This in contrast to many people who are guided by short-term mites. Emotionally intelligent people are decisive and know when they can rely on their intuition .

They go well with criticism, and know when they can use it to improve their performance.They seek solutions to problems in a calm and rational way. They know what drives them, and how they can keep that motivation awake.

5.Develop your social skills

Another step in developing your EQ is to be able to easily connect with others.Don’t just think about your own gain, but also take care of others. Focus on the development of the people you deal with. And be 鈧?虄nederig enough to take responsibility for your deeds.

A high EQ also means that you can estimate how others sit together so that you can cope better with them.A tool for this is the DiSC typology that I often use in training and as a coach.

6.Caring for your Happiness

Many people think that happiness depends on things they getfrom others.Emotionally intelligent people know themselves to take care of their happiness. And that is often because of things to be g茅ven.

To boost YOUR EQ, it is important that you pay attention to one of these six steps in your life.You will no longer be the slave of your emotions, but you will be able to develop meaningful relationships in your professional career and your personal life.

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